Improving Your Relationship After a Tough Year

All relationships have their ups and downs. Often, when something significant has happened, or when we’re stressed out and tired, we take things out on our partners, and tensions start to creep into our relationships. Sometimes, nothing has happened. We’re just not quite on the same page. 

It’s fair to say that 2020 has been hard on many couples. You might have spent a lot more time than usual living in each other’s pockets if your area has been in a lockdown. You might have been worried about your family’s health and well-being, your children, or family members outside of your household. As a partnership or individually, you may have been worried about job security and money. It’s been a year of uncertainty, and it’s no surprise that many relationships are on the rocks. 

If things aren’t great at home, first, know that you certainly aren’t alone. Marriages, relationships, and even friendships have been pushed to their limits by this pandemic. Then, look at some ways that you can get things back to normal.

Get Some Help

While it would be lovely to get back to normal on our own, it’s not always possible. If you and your partner aren’t connecting or have a specific problem and need help from sex therapists, you should consider couples counseling, which can be very useful. 

Spend Some Quality Time Together

This year, you might have spent more time with your partner than ever before. But, was it quality time? Or, was it time spent taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, stressing about your jobs, or worrying about the world? We’ve been with the people that live in our household all of the time, without actually giving them our attention. 

Plan a date night, or go for a walk on your own together. Spend quality time together away from the distractions of real life. 

Commit to Self-Care

You can’t be happy with your partner if you aren’t happy with yourself. This has been a stressful time for your relationship, but it’s been hard on you as an individual too. Treat yourself, take some time out for yourself, and commit to self-care. 

Make a Plan

Making plans with our partners is exciting. It’s nice to have something to look forward to and to get excited about. This year it’s felt like we can’t make plans because we don’t know if they’ll be canceled. Making even a very loose plan, with no firm commitments can help things to feel more natural. 

Get into the Habit of Appreciating Each Other

Over time we start to take the people that we love the most for granted. It’s normal, but it can begin to affect. Start making an effort to be appreciative. Say thank you, do small things for each other, and pay each other compliments. 

When we’re young, we often assume that when we meet “the one,” it will be easy. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. Relationships always take work, but even more so after a trying time such as this.

The Bare Minimum is No Longer Accepted

After the honeymoon phase, a partner’s true colors will start to show in a relationship. They will stop trying to hide their flaws as you grow deeper feelings for one another as time progresses. The challenge is being able to remain objective while having your feelings attached in certain situations.

In the beginning, it can seem easy to let a lot of little things slide because you feel so happy and in love; but when does that change? This is what’s meant by falling in love with potential. There’s a difference between having a typical relationship quarrel and having negative energy constantly thrown at you.

A toxic relationship is one that has you constantly feeling drained, sad, mad, worried, or uneasy about things your partner says or does. This continues if there’s no healthy balance of trust, communication, respect, empathy, or support.

There are ways over time to be able to tell which one you have. Take notice of how your partner acts around you and in certain situations, then take notice of how they react to your reaction. A lot of times they will find a way to justify they’re actions or responses over how it affects you emotionally. To understand your partner’s true character pay attention to their instant reaction. Do they want to help you out of a difficult situation by pointing you in the direction of a helpful website like Huddle Men's Health, or do they ignore you or tell you you’re overreacting, for example?

Each time you express any emotional pain you feel it can seem simple enough to accept an apology; however, its important to remember that an apology loses its meaning if there’s no changed behavior. If you find yourself constantly trying to be heard and get ignored, its time for a change.

Many common feelings that occur include asking for certain boundaries that are never met, broken promises to try and do better, and constantly hearing about someone else. You begin to question whether or not you’re serving a purpose or if you’re just a place holder until another option comes along. Once you begin having these thoughts, if they are continually ignored they start to take a toll on your mental health and physical well being.

It is important to remember that no amount of love you have for your partner should be more than what you have for yourself. Don’t trade off the potential of lasting love for how you feel. You are worth all the love, respect, and balance you are looking for.

You are not needy for wanting basic standards of compassion. As human beings, we have a natural desire for love and affection as well as support and respect. Consistency is required for the basic stability of love and support.

Photo Credit:

Report: Josephine Coiscou

Can You Be Friend's with Your Ex's Significant Other

HBO’s series Insecure really shows how secure you have to be in not only yourself but your relationship. When Issa (played by Issa Rae) discovers that her new bff Condola (played by Christina Elmore) is currently dating her ex Lawrence (played by Jay Ellis), things get interesting. While many like Issa can be secure enough in themselves to not be bothered, many become very insecure.

This dynamic took a deep dive into the process of a person going through seeing their ex with a new partner,specifically one close to them. You go through the crazy thoughts and the awkwardness especially when the new partner is your friend. I believe that as long as you're secure in yourself then you can definitely be friends with your ex’s significant other. Building relationships comes with obstacles and challenges. When it comes to dealing with an ex that you were once in a long time relationship with, you have to make sure you are secure in yourself. Knowing that you are one hundred percent over your ex and that you can move forward with a healthy relationship is the most important. So is a friendship with your ex’s partner possible then yes but as long as you are secure in who you are.

Photo Credit: Merie W. Wallace/HBO

Report: Maya Howard

---